False Gender Binaries

If there’s one thing that gives me the shits, it’s the idea that life can be boiled down to just two options – an either/or choice – as if everything is black or white. And each option is defined so narrowly, so rigidly, that neither one ever quite fits. So we’re left feeling as if we’re trying to jam a square peg into a round hole… or the other way around.

This is especially true when it comes to gender. False gender binaries shape perceptions, based on assumptions about how men and women are supposed to behave, with certain traits assigned to each. I’ll never forget a friend – a transgender woman – telling me about her sibling’s reaction to her transition: “She’s thrilled,” my friend said, “because now she finally has a sister to talk to about make-up and other girly things.” Of course, that’s well and good for that pair… but I have two cisgender sisters, and we’ve never talked about make-up!

Over the years I’ve had to expend way too much energy arguing against the gendered stereotypes and assumptions people make about who I am and how I live. No, I don’t like cooking, so I don’t want your recipe. No, I don’t have a husband who’s going to get that heavy object out of my car, but I do have a wheelbarrow. Yes, I am a woman, but I’m hopeless at multitasking. I could go on here, but I won’t.

All of this frustration with gendered stereotypes and false binaries – the constant assumptions, the rigid rules about what women “should” do – fed into my novel Nikki vs Jess. It gave me a way to tell a story about what happens when women refuse to fit society’s narrow ideas of who they should be – and the battles they have to face as a result. (You can read more about _Nikki vs Jess _here: https://bushtelegraphxpress.com/novels/nikki-vs-jess/(https://bushtelegraphxpress.com/novels/nikki-vs-jess/))

Most importantly, I gave each of my characters great courage. For it takes a lot of guts to determine your own future and to live life on your own terms, no matter what anyone expects. In the end, that’s what matters most – the courage to be yourself, irrespective of false gender binaries.

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